When your child comes out as transgender, you can quickly become overwhelmed. There is a lot to learn about what it means for your child to be transgender, as well as what it means for you to be the parent of a transgender child. In addition to all the learning, you want to ensure you support your child in the best way possible. It's easy to let your mental health slide in the process.
To support our children the best way we can, we need to ensure that we are taking care of ourselves and addressing our mental health.
A lot of times, when a child comes out as transgender, we become so busy taking care of our children and making sure their needs are met that we begin to neglect our own. You may even find that you are so focused on your child that you haven't even processed the fact that they are transgender yet.
As parents, we spend a lot of our lives putting the needs of our children first. However, you can't support your child well if you find yourself overcome with emotions and feelings you aren't sure how to navigate. And it's not that your feelings are wrong, but you need to be able to deal with them in a healthy and productive way.
If your emotions spill out in front of your child, they won't feel loved and supported.
After your child comes out, you may find you have a lot of questions with no answers. While it might seem like a good idea to ask your child those questions, often, it can strain your relationship. It's much better to engage the support of a trained professional who can help you work through those concerns, even if you never come to a solid answer.
A trained professional can help you sort out your emotions, help you move forward when you get stuck, and answer all your questions. Therapy is a safe place to share your feelings away from your child. It's a place where you can work out what is difficult about your child being transgender with someone who can support you.
Therapy gives you the support you need so, in turn, you can better support your child.
Working with a therapist also helps you be able to navigate your child's transitions, should they choose to do so. A therapist knows what is required for your child if they decide to medically transition, and they can help you figure out the next steps. They can also answer your questions and help you negotiate with the insurance company if they refuse to cover the procedures. There are a lot of reasons why your support network should include a therapist.
If you need help finding a therapist:
1. Start with the Psychology Today website.
2. Click on Find a Therapist.
3. Type your location in the search bar; from there, you can specify your needs under "Issues."
4. You can also go to Betterhelp.com and take a quiz that will theoretically pair you with an appropriate therapist.
Not all therapists will be a good fit, however. Some therapists will bring their agenda and views about transgender people into the therapy session, so watch out for red flags as you vet therapists. And remember, there is no shame in starting over with a new therapist if you feel uncomfortable or if they say something that feels unsupportive of you or your child.
Supporting your mental health is one of the best gifts you can give yourself and your child. Don't wait another day.
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